Ask a Health Coach: How Do I Feel Safer?

Hi folks, Board Certified Health Coach Chloe Maleski is here to answer your questions about patience and confidence building. Having trouble staying the course over the long term? Do you feel insecure about your wellness choices? We’re here with reinforcements! Do you have a question you would like to ask our health coaches? Leave it in the comments below or over in the Mark’s Daily Apple Facebook group.

Sandra asked:
“This may be off topic, but do you have any tips for cultivating patience? I struggle with seeing changes from training (muscle tone, strength, etc.) and in all other areas. I don’t like to wait and get annoyed at how long it takes before I see results.”

That’s not an issue at all, Sandra! As a coach, I work with athletes and others who want to get and stay fit. Whether it’s exercise or original food and life, meaningful change usually takes commitment, persistence, patience, and time.

This is all the more true when it comes to lasting change and not a one-off gain or success.

I realize that “waiting around” isn’t the funnest or most exciting part of the change effort! One way I like to rephrase it is to think of patience as powerful, not passive.

This narrative shift reminds us that with every step, every workout, every meal, day after day, we’re doing big, important work. Over time, daily disciplines create a stronger, deeper foundation. When results come – and they will come! – are they real and have this foundation to stand on.

In today’s world things tend to move fast and we are bombarded with promises of new “fixes” and “quick fixes”. In truth, the actual solutions are often quite simple (and not even all that surprising).

The 10 Primal Blueprint Laws, for example, are guidelines consistent with our biology and our (long, slow, patient) evolution. Putting them into action, however, is another matter entirely. Not that this has to be difficult – it isn’t! However, their effect comes from persistence over time, rather than doing them for a day or a week.

It has taken most of us many years, if not decades, to get where we are now in terms of food, exercise, lifestyle and health. It takes at least 21 to 30 days to change any or all of these in any significant way to really show up for the process.

Typically, midway through a challenge, plan, or program, patience lags behind. This is a great time to get back to your “why,” read through some success stories for inspiration, and throw yourself into a like-minded community or coach. This can boost your confidence in the process and serve as a reminder of why the heck you’re bothering!

appear, be present

Another thing I want to mention comes from my personal practice and how I’ve cultivated patience in fitness and life in general: Whatever I do, I show myself to the fullest without becoming fixated on results.

By prioritizing presence over results, I can see every moment and experience as different and new (even if I’m doing the exact same workout or run, doing the exact same morning or evening routine, etc.).

Every moment is unique and we are a little bit different every day. This includes how we experience the seemingly repetitive things that add up to wellness and fitness over time.

The benefits of this transformation? Spring…

First, it reduces boredom! The most ordinary things done with presence, precision and care don’t feel so mundane anymore (at least more often).

Second, it requires single-tasking. This is one of the best ways I know to counteract feelings of overwhelm or anxiety. Perhaps counterintuitively, it also helps “slow time down” by helping us get more done with less stress or urgency, fewer mistakes, and less sloppiness to clean up later.

Third, it brings better results! Yes, we are shifting away from outcomes and focusing on presence and processes. But it turns out this gets more of the results we want! Part of that is because we get the best impact when we show up 100 percent. Another part is that we’re much more likely to make supportive decisions when we’re fully present with what we’re doing and feeling now, rather than fixating on later.

For me, for every thing – including the seemingly small, repetitive ones – showing yourself fully is synonymous with going deeper and creating a stronger, more enduring foundation. This feels much more meaningful and impactful than speed or casting a larger net.

All in all: lean into the presence and lean into the process. Maybe not the most exciting answer, but I promise it will bring epic changes.

Daniel asked:
“I want to be the kind of person who has faith in my body and in my life. I know this is vague, but how do you really know who you are as a coach and someone who is choosing to eat and live healthy? When I’m with family or friends who aren’t into Paleo or wellness, I want to be strong and secure instead of making excuses or shrinking.”

Love that question Daniel. I can assure you, you’re not the only one asking this question or struggling with confidence when it comes to food, wellness or anything else.

A simple exercise I use with coaching clients goes like this:

Draw a large circle with your name in the middle. In this circle, write down anything about yourself that feels good and is NOT related to what you are feeling insecure or insecure about. This can be things you love, qualities about yourself, movies, music, friends, family, sunsets or whatever makes you feel good.

At times when you feel less secure, return to this circle to remember the whole person you are.

It’s also a reminder that you are so much more than what you do or say or even how you eat and stay healthy. You are a complex, whole person and cannot be cooped up. Focus on things from your “circle of trust” at moments when you could use a boost…or could bear to offer yourself grace and compassion.

To answer your question from a different angle, eating and living healthy is one of the most powerful confidence boosters I know!

Change takes time, but it also adds up. With each day or week of primal eating, healthy exercise, and other supportive choices, you are likely to feel better and more confident about your chosen path and your body and mind.

Part of that comes from the very tangible, physical results you’re likely to see. Desired changes in weight or body composition, for example. Or unhelpful patterns to postpone emotional eating or mindless snacking. Or any number of other welcome changes in health and well-being (as beautifully illustrated in Primal success stories). When we feel and look healthier, that’s attractive, energizing, and energizing!

This also brings us back to Sandra’s question above. When we choose to draw a line in the sand and truly commit to something that supports us—bringing in our presence, persistence, and patience—we gain strength, consistency, and confidence as a result.

These “unscaled gains” contribute to a kind of calm, inner confidence that doesn’t need external validation or outcry. It’s easy. And not only does it feel great, but it affects how others see, interact with, and respond to us.

See, often we know what to eat and do to feel healthier (or can learn it pretty quickly with the right resources).

But the kind of questions and qualities we explored today—patience, presence, confidence, sense of security—have a HUGE impact on whether we actually do the thing and see meaningful, lasting results.

If you’re struggling in these areas, welcome to the club! It’s part of being human. But as a coach and as someone dedicated to continuous self-exploration and growth, I guarantee that we can develop these qualities with time and practice.

If you’re looking for an extra layer of motivation, inspiration, accountability, and support, coaches are great at it. We’re not just here to tell you what to eat or how to move. We’re here to help you develop the traits, skills, and confidence to do what makes you feel better… and stick with it. Visit to learn more and get started.

Do you have any confidence-boosting strategies to share? Or tips for cultivating patience? Inspire others and write other questions for me in the comments!

Ask a Health Coach: How Do I Feel Safer?

About the author

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Chloe Maleski is a Board-Certified Primal Health Coach and Personal Trainer with a bachelor’s degree from Duke University and a master’s degree in clinical psychology from Pepperdine University. She is also the Head Coach at myPrimalCoach, the leading online health coaching service dedicated to helping you lose weight and take control of your health for life.

If you want to lose weight, gain strength and energy, sleep better, reduce stress or manage chronic health issues, myPrimalCoach can help. Complete the myPrimalCoach Health Questionnaire to take the first step towards lasting health and wellness.

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